At the top you see the date when this screenshot was saved, a year and three days ago. After trying for over a year to get my ex to take a vacation with me and failing every time (my ‘vacation’ weeks were spent at home, doing nothing), I had by August downgraded my efforts. I was hoping to take her somewhere for a weekend that we could be alone, off the internet, and basically be forced to talk and perhaps reconnect…hopefully work out what was wrong, maybe even begin looking to the future. She wasn’t interested in going. I knew then that things were worse than I’d thought.
About a month later I would find out what was going on behind my back. And in the months that followed, things got worse and worse and it all fell apart, I fell apart. That’s not the point of this, though.
The point of this is that for a few hours today my mind was mostly elsewhere. It doesn’t take much; seeing a random screenshot you forgot was on your iPad from a year ago to destroy any progress you made over the day or the week or month. August seemed to have been going well, but things like this really twist that fucking dagger in to remind me of what was. Those emotions are still underneath, trying to hide or ignore them is useless.